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Question

Posted by chess97

Hey guys, I've been feeling a little down in the dumps right now, do you guys think I'm bad looking? 

Number of views: 367

Comments

Posted by chess97

Great. I've had not the greatest childhood, I was bullied and didn't have a good father figure. I didn't have many friends. Still don't. I've been in two bad relationships. I get very down but try to help other people, you might have seen my other blogs. I'm not a bad guy deep down, I'm just damaged

Posted by kelmire

That's all I wanted to hear, brother. Of course we can shake hands and I'm truly sorry you've had so many bad experiences in life. I'll buy you a pint sometime <3

Posted by chess97

Maybe I was being silly. I've had a few bad experiences in my life myself, I've been put down a lot. My exes werent great. I was never trying to be pathetic. When you had years of negativity, sometimes, you do wish people would say nice things for once. I feel that I am a good guy and always tried to treat people with respect. Maybe I was being a bit out of order. I apologise. I read things sometimes and take it badly. I've had a lot of bad stuff happen, I'm not that confident. I don't hear nice things very often. I just want to move past this. We've both said some stuff to each other that might not have been the best thing to say. We were both angry at the time. Can we shake hands and make up?

Posted by kelmire

I said YOUR first message was perfect. Not mine. Also, if you had actually bothered to read my first message, you would have noticed I stated that I was giving both a 'subjective opinion' and also an 'objective opinion'. I later clarified this, but again you didn't bother to read my words. "I only wanted people to be positive, not give me a lecture on what most women want." That IS fishing for compliments. You expected people to say nice things, you wanted people to say nice things and you have stated that if people don't, then they shouldn't bother saying anything. Do you have any idea how pathetic that is? I offered constructive advice AND criticism. You rejected the criticism, because you didn't like what I said, therefore as you stated I should have said nothing ergo; 'don't say things I disagree with'. And so, on some level, you acknowledge that I am right? And you're admitting that not everyone fits the bill? Well of course, now we might be getting somewhere. I was honestly starting to think I was talking to a brick wall. That's good, now you're being honest. I respect honesty - we're making progress. Did I decide to grind an axe? Well you're certainly assuming that it was my intention. I'm not the kind of person who takes out my frustration on others, but I respect that you do ont know me and so I will let that go. Yet again, I have had both positive and negative experiences with women and I would never hold a grudge over an entire gender, that's insanity. Next you'll excuse me of 'misogyny' or some other unfounded accusation. You're being childish, dude. I said some harsh truths that you neither liked nor disagreed with, let it go. If you can't handle what I have to say because you don't like it, then you are ill-equipped for life. You don't have to like something to 'tolerate' it. That's what tolerance is. Another life lesson for you. :)

Posted by chess97

Your not making a fool of me with kelmire, you bloody egoist

Posted by chess97

Was stuff like that necessary in your advice? Also your saying it's your subjective opinion but in other messages your saying it's the truth. Also you say your first message was 'perfect'. What an ego you have

Posted by chess97

I'm not pathetically fishing for compliments kelmire, I was having a bad day. You weren't giving advice, you were claiming what most women want, which is not something that everyone is able to match up to. You decided to grind your axe here, getting your vitriol out. I did agree with some of your advice, just some of it I disagreed with. Also you said it was your subjective opinion on your first message but then at the end said 'it's harsh. The truth often is' therefore contradicting yourself. Maybe some of your remarks like your incredibly average looking were hurtful to me?

Posted by kelmire

Of course you don't want to argue with me, it is not an argument you could win. I see how what I said may be percieved in a negative way, for which I apologised for several times. Instead of accepting my advice, whether you intended to take what I said into consideration or not, then moving on - you instead chose to react in a childish manner because I didn't give you the compliments you were pathetically fishing for. And indeed, you are even now trying to scan my profile for weaknesses that you can exploit in order to counter my logical arguments with personal attacks in a vain attempt to win an argument you have long since. It's incredibly petty and unfortunately for you, my profile info is very much outdated. I have been employed for several years, although I have reduced my full-time hours to part time in. I am now currently back at college, getting the grades I was too foolish to attain when I was younger, in order to pursue a law degree. Are there any more hurtful remarks you'd like to hurl at me in some vain attempt to regain the initiative? Also, women don't like it when men lose their cool when being made a fool of. I must reiterate, I have very positive and very negative experiences with women. Like everything else I have said, you have failed to acknowledge this. Not only this, but I have apologised several times for hurting your feelings. I have no vendetta against you or anyone else, I am simply responding to your childish reaction to my advice. That first comment was perfect. If you had left it at that, none of this would have happened and yet you still refuse to take any responsibility for your actions. If you do not wish to argue, then don't.

Posted by chess97

It's a silly thing on a site, it's not something we should both be getting annoyed over. Just leave it

Posted by chess97

I don't want to argue with you, I'm sure your a nice guy. You've got to see how all that you said would translate. How it's gonna be perceived. I don't want to argue with you

Posted by chess97

Get lost kelmire. Your point isn't proven. You've clearly had bad experiences with women and are taking it out on me. Not interested. You say women want men to have a good job but I'm not the one who's unemployed

Posted by kelmire

"If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all." Exactly: "Don't say things I disagree with" Thank you for proving my point.

Posted by chess97

If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all.

Posted by chess97

They arnt necessarily true, that's your opinion. You've clearly got an axe to grind and have chosen my blog post to do that. I only wanted people to be positive, not give me a lecture on what most women want. As though your the love guru

Posted by chess97

Whatever kelmire. I'm not delusional, your just being a pillock. I'm not saying don't say things I disagree with but you could be more tactful.

Posted by kelmire

So, in essence 'Don't say things I disagree with' ...how mature. I have had good and bad experiences with women. I don't know how many times I have to say 'not all' before you understand that I was not including all women. Much of the things I am saying are true, I just do not believe you are ready to hear it. I admitted that I said what I said on purpose, it does not mean I was trying to hurt you. I'm sorry that you have reacted the way that you have. Pragmatic advice often coems across as harsh or cold-hearted. I used to be as delusional as you once upon a time, but you'll learn.

Posted by chess97

Also kelmire, you must have realised how your comments would translate else you wouldn't have said I don't mean any offence etc. You've obviously had bad experiences with women (judging by you saying you've had a few relationships) which has made you form this opinion. I've been in a couple of bad relationships myself, but I don't think things like that just because of my experiences. I really don't need your vitriolic rant in response to a small blog post.

Posted by chess97

I wasnt wanting a lecture on 'darwinism' kelmire, I put the blog post up because I wasn't feeling great and to be honest I find your opinion very harsh. I really appreciate people saying i look nice because its just nice to hear nice things from people sometimes. It isn't inflating my ego at all. I disagree with men wanting to 'fuck the prettiest girl' because I'm sure theres lots of men who go out with women for who they are (like myself). Same with women. They don't always want to 'fuck the alpha male'. Maybe they are with a gut because of who he is and they love him. It comes across like your just putting me down and trying to make me feel bad about dating. In your experience, women may have been like that but not all women are like that. I find your view of human nature very tiring. It's not as true as you think. Also your not praised for lying. I'm sure anybody would rather have a person who doesn't lie. It's not sad reality at all. I really appreciate the other guys comments, thanks guys. I appreciate what you said. Not you though kelmire. You've obviously had bad experiences with women and your very vitriolic

Posted by kelmire

Well Chess97, I'm glad you've had some time to think about what I've said. I decided not to respond initially, as I had anticipated your second response. You seem like a sweet guy and you're right: people often forget that men also have feelings. I believe I stated that my words were both my own subjective opinion, but also objective truth. The simple reality is that it is both. I have given my personal opinion, but I also have adhered to the idea of darwinism. Human beings are animals. We are bound by ritualistic behaviour and while many people can break the mold so-to-speak, attraction in most cases adheres to darinism. Men naturally seek out either beauty or fertility in female counterparts. While of course this can and often does take the form of analyzing one's personality, we are talking about initial attraction - i.e. first impressions. Lust always comes before love. Women can often look for the same things, but often analyze a man's resources. Quite simply put, men wish to fuck the prettiest girl, women want to fuck the alpha male as it offers the most protection for the female and allows for a safer environment to raise children. These aspects of human nature are inherent. People can be outside of general rule of thumb, but there are still general rules for human attraction. It is perfectly possible, perhaps even probable that a woman will love you for who you are, will not care about what you do or more importantly what you don't have - of course, of course. But that is 'some' of the time. In most cases, you need a steady career and resources. You don't need ot look handsome, simply be confident and make her laugh. Don't be too much of a dick, don't be too nice. My experience with dating and I've put myself out there and had more than my share of relationships over the years - in my experience it's a fucking minefield and it is often precarious to traverse. I can only tell you that in my experience - my subjective experience, women DO care about wether you have a car, or whether you're good looking, or whether you have a good job and have self-discipline. It isn't about having lots of muscles, as too much vanity can be off-putting. Many women look to men(not always) to be the leader in the relationship. If you are your own man, if you are disciplined and together so-to-speak then it means you are dependable. You can be leaned upon for help and most importantly for guidance. This is simply human nature. I'm sure you will find someone on your own and I certainly hope that you do. However, what you think people should look for in a partner and what people actually do look for in a partner are two separate things. We live in a shallow world of instagram models and pop stars. We are all influenced in some way or another. We also live in a world that normalizes lying. If you tell the truth, you are shunned and censored. If you lie, you either benefit or are even praised for doing so. It isn't right, but it is the sad reality we face. The idea that a person should love you for who you are.. some will ,but most won't. It's a fantasy to believe otherwise. At no point am I suggesting that you are less of a man, so please don't pull back like that. I am simply suggesting that our world is shallow, cruel and unfair. You are owed nothing in life, you are entitled to nothing in life. You must take responsibility, no matter how hard it may be, for each and every action that you take. We often forget these things being born into such an advanced modern society, but it will not last forever. If I were to tell you that you're super handosme, or a total chad as others have suggested: I would be telling you exactly what you wanted to hear, building up your ego and setting you up for a fall. You must be more pragmatic than that and realize that there are rules to attraction and that it can definitely be very cruel. For many people, this is a world-shattering revelation. It's called 'playing the game'. It's fucked up, but it's reality. I am sorry if I've hurt your feelings, but why are you asking people to rate your looks in the first placE? Because you're alone, without a partner and you are doubting yourself. If I told you what you wanted to hear, nothing would change. You wouldn't change. If you really want to meet someone, put yourself out there and expect rejection. You're going to be rejected a lot before you finally find someone and it takes an iron will to go through this unphased, because many women will say extremely sadistic and cruel things. Be prepared for this. Otherwise you'll put yourself out there, get rejected, put your head down and crawl away - in the end being right back where you started. You need to shrug that shit off as if you don't care, even if deep down inside it's heartbreaking for you. I don't really care how tacful I was being. I have a filter, unlike many people with autism, but if you're asking random people on the internet to rate how you look, then you need to be shocked out of it. Thus, my words were on purpose. It's unacceptable if you're looking to others for confidence, it needs to come from within. As for the not being able to afford a car - I have spoken to many women about this and many have admitted that they might reject a man who doesn't have a car. Is that right? Of course not, but we do not live in a moral world and women want what they want. I don't have a car, as I know how difficult it can be to afford. Even working full-time on minimum wage it can be a nightmare, I've been there. I'm only saying that it helps, because this is what I have observed. Again, you seem like a really nice guy, but you have to ask yourself whether you're really being 100% honest about the situation, or simply making excuses. If you're waiting for a woman to enter your life, maybe it'll happen - it probably won't however. I'm not tearing you down, I'm arming you. It may not seem like the right way to go about it, but one day you'll realize it was the only way to go about it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up and get out there. The world owes you nothing, so get out there and take all that you can. I know loss and heartbreak more than you might imagine. I've been where you've been and I know that it's a dead end. Crying and asking 'why?' whilst secretly hoping that fate or some god will cut you a break will lead you nowhere. Hate me if you'd like, but try to take on board what I have said. I will not respond to your initial reaction, as I know your opinion will change once you've had time to ponder my words; for better or for worse. All I can say is that I wish you the very best in life, man. It's a hard grind, but hey - that's life.

Posted by charliepayne

Nah bro ur a total Chad Lite no homo.

Posted by tjsase

Nah, you seem conventionally attractive in either pic. Your rounder face gives you a sensitive but chill look, sort of like Jim Halpert. Your second pic your thick eybrows are the focus, and they seem to signal strength.

Posted by chess97

Although, you said it was an objective opinion, which it is. But then you said, it might seem cruel, it would. But the truth often is. So there your saying it's 'the truth'. Well thanks for your constructive criticism Stephen regarding my apperaence. Great to know I'm 'incredibly average looking'. Women arnt gonna think your more of a loser if you've not got a car. Many people can't afford them. It came across a little bit that you were being harsh and I don't believe it is the 'truth'. Also Stephen, men have feelings too. I'm not going to pretend I don't have problems. If someone wants to be with someone, they should accept that person for who they are. Again like I said before, I appreciate that you were trying to help but it wasn't very tactful how you said it

Posted by chess97

Hey Stephen (kelmire) I read your message. While I agree with certain parts of your message, I disagree with the muscle thing. I'm sure women would still chat to you if you weren't that muscular. Also I can't afford a car, most people can't. I've known loads of people with partners who don't have cars and they are definitely in love so I don't think that's true in every case. There's loads of guys I've seen that arnt muscular at all and they find someone. But I appreciate you trying to help anyway so cheers 👍

Posted by kelmire

You're not particularly good looking, no. You're not bad looking, either, just incredibly average. Not saying this to hurt you, just saying it as a matter of subjective opinion. Be that as it may, however, I'd like to offer some general advice i'd give to any man who is lonely: Work out as much as you can. Start small, say 20 mins per day. After two weeks, increase it to 40 mins. Keep going until you're working out for 1.5 hours solid each day. As someone who, whilst never being fat, has had periods of my life when I've been out of shape. I've also had periods like recently in which I work out and get into shape. It'll take awhile to see any rewards for this, it's a long and tough process of pushing your physical limits of endurance for on real noticable gain, but 6 months to a year down the line you'll notice something. The more I worked out, the more random women would come up to me and randomly strike conversations, the more flirtacious and open women would become. Women like men who at least try to look after their bodies and they look muscles. Not all of them, but most do. Work on your muscle definition. Also, learn to drive a car. you can have a shit job which iwll affect your chances at finding a decent woman - tragic fact of life, I'm afraid. Human beings are animals, thus are bound by ritualistic mating behaviour. Get a car, because it will make you seem more useful and less of a loser in the eyes of women. So work out, get a car or learn how to drive one and THEN get a car. Also, don't look down when you talk to women, look them directly in the eyes. Learn to laugh at yourself - even if it's fake, women wear push up bras ffs, so don't feel bad if you have to feign self-degrading humour, there's probably a whole host of shit she's lying to you about. However shallow my advice may seem to you - human beings are shallow, either embrace it and by happy despite knowing it's all an elaborate lie, or be truth to yourself and stay miserable. Whatever you do in life, do it with confidence. You can be the most ridiculous guy on planet Earth, but if you're super confident about it - like a man who has a vision - women will respond positively to that. Also, women don't want to hear about your problems. If you look to a significant other as a shoulder you can lean on, wait a few years - don't do it right away, it'll kill the romance dead. She needs a man who can take care of her problems, she doesn't want to deal with yours ontop of hers. Also, people are naturally attracted to positivity and positive people, so be as cheerful as you can when it's appropriate. Or better yet, just be you and be totally unapologetic for whatever that is. Eventually you'll find someone and once you do? Then who gives a fuck how you look. But go out, do things, have hobbies or activities. You won't meet someone sat at home and as for all of the anxiety you may feel as a person with autism? Stop giving a shit. You're not autistic, you're just a dude who is different. Work on the aspects of autism that are a problem and embrace the aspects that are positive - then forget you have autism, because it doesn't matter and never did. Don't make excuses for yourself, or blame your mistakes on autism. Be your own person, take responsibility for yourself and own yourself. You're average looking. Guess what? Most people are. Who the fuck wants to be a braindead instagramer anyway. Oh and btw, I wasn't trying to be mean to you, just give you an objective opinion. It might seem cruel, it would. The truth often is. Learn from it, because your life doesn't suck nearly as half as you think it does.