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Things are not going according to plan.

Posted by imnotscary

This is not looking to be a good year for me. I am really struggling at my job. After being banished for 12 months, I have returned to my old team. I have been there since the start of the year, and so far not one single one of them has spoken to me or acknowledged me in any way. I turn up, sit in silence all day, and go home. It's really tough to deal with. Is this my payback for the mistake I made that led to me being banished? I was told my return "would not be a problem" but clearly it is. I cant just quit though, i need the money to live, and have always struggled to find work. I have spoken to my manager about it, but it doesnt help. He's not a hands-on manager at all, he just says some positive phrases and nothing happens.

After work i always go to the gym. I have been going for a few years and I was quite enjoying it. It took me 20 years to get the courage to go, and I wish I had gone sooner. Of course, it then turns out a weird muscle disorder runs in my family, means we are all incredibly flexible, but I have incredibly weak joints and dont really build much muscle mass either. This is a shame as i like doing weights. Thing is now, i just cant get the enthusiasm to go. Everyone else is half my age and goes with their friends, I'm just the fat old guy in their way.

So then I go home, after being ignored all day at work, and ignored at the gym, coming to an empty house is not any respite. I had hoped to be able to talk to people online, even maybe meet some new friends, but it's not working out, no-one replies to anything I say much, and it's not only this site.

Thing is, I know I can talk to people, talking to much is one thing I've always got in trouble for! I can be chatty, supportive, funny. I've had friends, I've had partners, I've done all this, but now, I just cant get anywhere. 

I dont really know what I need to do to turn this around, I dont have any family to turn to, just me.

I had hoped to make this post a lot longer, with a lot more details of specific things, but my laptop died and I'm using my phone, makes it harder to do long stories.

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