For... perhaps my entire life or at the very least, a huge part childhood - I've been starved of physical and emotional intimacy, the idea of a steady relationship with a complementary person, both terrifies me and fascinates in equally measures. I've become something of a contradictive person, I know how to interact with people in a professional and basic manner, I know where the line is drawn and do my best not step over it, despite this or maybe because of this - I in most cases come across as an utterly uninteresting individual devoid of the most basic stereotyped aspergic personality traits, an autistic actor pretending to be something, he isn't. Someone who wants to have the best of both worlds, with the ability to be perceived as a so called normal person, whilst having the autism card there for emergencies... I pull and push people towards and away from me - when I reflect on my uncomfortable personal circumstances and general lack of direction in my life... In the process, I end up hurting myself aswell as those around me... Truly a hedgehog's dilemma, so how do I fix this?
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