The first thing I did this morning was write a heartful note to Michelle. It's been one month today since I decided to leave and things still seem so weird. It absolutely obliterated my routine and sent me into a panic. It took me about 48 hours to stabilize everything post-breakup.
I still love that woman so deeply. It will never work, but I still actually love her. You know we Autistic people have lowered empathy. At least this one does. To the point that my therapist tries to tease out my cluster b tendencies from time to time, lol. But, I actually loved her.
I forced myself to engage my right hemisphere more and actually produced line art. It's so difficult for me because I want to put the whole perspective into order and literally have to force my eyes to kind of phase-out to see the shapes and lines that make up the whole.
I'm more gifted when using procedures. All the steps are laid out and I can quickly learn and implement them. The weird thing is I can get all sorts of abstract with my music but I have to try for art. Especially line art.
This personal renaissance will continue with many more hours of study and practice until my base art skills are on par. It's something I've truly committed to.
I should probably back up.
For the past 5 years, I've been running a successful landscaping / general contracting business. That's all I had time for because my household duties took up a significant amount of time. Michelle had many psychical and emotional issues and while it's not cool to state everything I will say this, it was exhausting.
I have a BA in Multimedia Development and have decided to engage in a phoenix-like process and summon the best incarnation of the spirit of positive masculinity that I can. I'm already successful with my body but now I'm free to unleash my mind! It's so exciting friends!
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