Blog Article

Giving This an Honest Try...Again

Posted by voideternity

Granted, the "this" I'm referring to is not this site but dating/relationships. I've tried removing myself from the desire to have a partner to share my life with but I've found it to be more damaging than anything else. Alone I find myself in a dark place, struggling, clawing, to get out but with no real means or even motivation to do so. Most unfortunately the most happy I've been has been under the guise of companionship. I say "guise" simply because when companionship turns hostile, I cannot in good faith continue to call it companionship, even in the past tense. When one is unknowingly deceived from the beginning and such a companionship is found to be hostile in the end, I cannot give it a title of either positivity or neutrality. Anyway, I’m starting to rant so let's move on.

A partner, romantic or otherwise, gives me reason, purpose, inspiration, and motivation that I otherwise lack on my own and cannot seem to find. The desire to be better for someone else motivates me like nothing else I’ve been able to find. It is in this, and an innate desire, that I’ve come back to looking for a relationship…though through alternative methods, most specifically currently, in this autistic dating site.

I’ve recently met, for the first time, another person with high functioning autism and have come to feel more connected to someone than I have ever before. I feel…understood, and that my plight of autistic eccentricity has not been one alone but simply apart. In this, I wonder, if such a site as this may yield similar feelings in a romantic context. Time will tell, and I am open to this possibility.

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Comments

Posted by gally

It seems deception is a thief of good memories. Harder to hold the good and the bad in one's mind at the same time when doubt about veracity is preeminent. May you integrate what you know to be true, in spite of the cognitive dissonance. How does one continue the conversation that may be bittersweet?